Isn't it ironic?

Don't you think? There is a certain glee in reading that Europeans are looking at the Trump visit and raising their noses up at the fat President. He is too vulgar. Too uncouth, they say with their most snobbish voices and it is utterly delightful to see.

Of course, plenty of plain-spoken people will disagree to it but I am enjoying this weird clash of class. The snobbish elite class vs the uncouth, vulgar elite class. It's weird, like a ouroboros train crashing into itself.

Regardless, Trump has proven himself to be a man who unites people. Everyone can agree that they really, really don't like that fat son of a bitch and I apologize to all fat people and female dogs out there. No one wants to be associated with the Trump after all.

Trump damages European relations, all according to plan

Putin's plan at least. Isn't that why he got Trump to be elected as President of America? Okay. To be fair, he didn't really change the votes to Trump but there's a lot of tricky play to switch a fair number of people over to Trump.

Regardless, Trump has now screwed America's relationship with Europe and NATO and there is going to be one takeaway from this. At least Trump is screwing over white folk just as much as he is screwing over blacks and hispanics. If anything, Trump is an equal opportunity asshole.

Not that any human would take pride in that. Trump, not being a human of course, would take complete pride in that.

Ah there he is

Looks like I was wrong after all. Rodrigo Duterte is still an asshole who likes making rape jokes at the wrong time. He is still the unrepentant asshole that I love to insult and bitch talk. Keep it up. That way, everyone will be constantly reminded of the ugliness that resides in you and work hard to kick you out of power.

I was afraid I was going to say that Rodrigo Duterte is a good guy but thankfully he has proven himself not to be that in any case. Guess my shoe remains on my foot and not in my mouth.

Rodrigo Duterte asked people to talk?

Shit...hell did just freeze over. Granted, no one said that hell cannot be a frigid wasteland that saps the heat from your soul but you get the drift.

The man who says that he will execute drug dealers without mercy is now advocating for diplomacy with terrorists? Who the fuck is this imposter and what has he done with the real Rodrigo Duterte? Is he dead?

What kind of a medal should we give this imposter? Maybe a Nobel Peace Prize for the assassination/kidnapping of a right down bastard?

Defense

Just what does national defense mean? Does it mean arming yourself to the teeth and baring your fangs at anyone who comes your way? "Rawr!" you shout, intimidating people into backing away from your cave.

Could it also mean making yourself indispensable to others in an economic and diplomatic stage? Creating multiple alliances with other countries, improving your economy and technology to make yourself worthy of being by others?

Maybe it's a combination of both? Have enough protection to scare off backstabbers while also maintaining a healthy relationship with other countries? Why am I talking about a video game plot here? Or is this somehow relevant to what Trump said about NATO countries needing to pay their fair share?

Who knows?

Life goes on as usual

Because that's what life does. No matter how many times Trump chooses to shit on the world, no matter which terrorist group springs up to blow people up. People will simply pick up the pieces and carry on with life.

Why am I writing this though? I don't know. Sometimes, it's just depressing to think about all this shit like how 2017 is shaping up to be worse than 2016 but it's times like this that I'm just going to look elsewhere and think about the smaller, simpler things in life that makes it worthwhile.

Not to mention the fact that at this point of writing, Trump is being really boring by not doing anything ridiculous and everyone is just reacting to the Manchester incident. Nothing much to make fun about today on this day of writing honestly.

Really ISIL?

Really? Killing children and encouraging people to kill children? How does that not make you seem like a good guy? How does that make God like you any more? Is God so bloodthirsty that He wants you to kill children to make Him happy?

If that is the case, then go kill yourselves instead. Use your own blood to satiate the thirst of this divine being that wants you to kill people. Spreading your beliefs through violence is a horrible method of making people want to join you.

Wait, what's that? This is the only way to get yourself heard? You are frustrated at not being treated properly? People disrespect your religion and you want to be respected? Fuck you. By acting like you do, you've just made things worse for people who share your beliefs, because everyone who do not share it in the first place are now going to stereotype your religion as one of children killers and blood drinkers.

This will end up in more violence being enacted on your fellow believers and you in turn will just inflict more violence and pain on other people. Is this what God wants you to do?

Apparently, the answer is yes, that's why you're encouraging more people to kill people. Fuck you, ISIL. Killing people has just made it so that you are even more despised than ever before, even by your own fellow believers. So fuck you and I hope that God has a special place for you in hell.

Oh and if you do actually answer this, fuck you ISIL for screwing over my perfect zero readership.

Net Neutrality

By the time this post is published, net neutrality is on the way to its death and there really is only one person to blame for all this.

Ajit Pai.

What? Did you seriously think I was going to blame John Oliver? No. I'm going to blame the person who championed the cause of dismantling net neutrality regulations so that internet service providers can police themselves.

He claimed that internet service providers can be trusted to look after themselves and not screw over small businesses in favor of big ones or themselves and that any hypothetical reasons are just that: hypothetical. There is no way that they will show any form of bias if they were left unchecked.

Except that they did. Here's one from 2011 in which Verizon blocked Google Wallet in order to support its own payment app (hilariously called Isis before being renamed as Softcard and before being killed off in 2015) and there's this piece of news about Netflix's deal with the devil.

It is already a proven fact that companies cannot be trusted to police themselves. Take for instance, Wells Fargo and its fake account scandal. Whistleblowers were punished for calling the ethics hotline and complaining about what was going on. That is certainly not a good case of policing so why does Ajit Pai insist that this won't be the case with ISPs?

Because he was a lawyer who was under the employment of Verizon, one of the aforementioned ISPs. Hence his already suspect motivations when he brought up this ruling. The worst thing about this is I suspect that he was prepared for the internet's reaction to all this and used it against them in order to enforce the idea that his plan is for the best.

So does this mean goodbye internet in all of its fucked glory? It's possible. Small companies will not be able to put up content, products and services that directly compete with the big companies and we will lose out a lot of creativity and ideas because big companies will want to channel revenue to themselves.

I have restrained myself for the most part in this entire post but here's one bit of profanity left at the end. Fuck you, Ajit Pai. You have destroyed the best part of the internet for the sake of your employers and you can pat yourself on your back for that because I certainly will not.You are a villain and you are right disliked for it.

It's just that too bad you turned that dislike for your policies and yourself into a weapon. Now, that is some grade A super-villainy there.

Hey Trump, I'm starting to pity you

Not that you would actually read this because this is way more than 140 characters and you have an attention deficit anyways but a word of advice: learn to keep quiet and stop talking about yourself.

Part of why you get into so much trouble with the media is because you run your mouth ahead of you without thinking of the consequences and that is a big problem since you are now POTUS. People will scrutinize your words heavily because there is a lot riding on what you say.

Words bring about change, spark revolutions and trigger war. Everything you say and do will have an impact now, even if we don't like it so we have to live with it you and I.

JFC, at the rate you're going, I'm not going to end up disliking you, I'm going to end up pitying you. Like I pity the fool who did something and didn't realize what he's getting into. And if there's one thing a narcissist like you hates, it's a pity party from people who don't like you.

Trump still calls Flynn?

Somebody overheard Trump as they were going about the White House the other night. Apparently this conversation took place at 3 am as is usual with Trump during his Twitter outrage.

"Okay, Mike. I need you to tell me this. Is a weak dollar better or is a strong dollar better?" Trump asked.

"My President. You asked me this before you fired me. I'm a military man, not an economics man. Call someone else to ask about this," Flynn replied over the loudspeaker.

"Okay, okay. Then how about this? Does this suit make me look fat or not?"

 "I'm talking to you over the phone so I can't see you but no matter what suit you wear, you are still fat."

This was followed by a weeping sound, some shouting and the sound of a phone smashing against the wall before more sobbing can be heard.

Impeachment?

I don't think so. At least not right now with (if I recall correctly) the number of Republicans in the House of Representatives and the fact that there is nothing concrete against Trump.

I mean let's face it, a lot of people don't like that smug faced, orange skinned son of a bitch but there is nothing concrete to say that he willfully leaked secrets or did things in favor of Russia. That he unwittingly did all that however? That is extremely possible given his complete lack of knowledge of how politics goes and his own lack of discretion. He must brag about how good he is to everyone, even if that means accidentally leaking secrets to rivals.

So, Trump did not willfully leaked classified secrets to the Russians. He simply leaked it out of a fratboy's desire to boast about the size of his penis and how much sex he has been having and thus is only ignorant, stupid and incompetent. Not traitorous.

And let's face it, ignorance, stupidity and incompetency is not something that will stop people from being successful. Otherwise, Donald Trump would be a beggar on the street begging for money.

Is Trump being treated unfairly?

Let's be honest. A lot of people around the world do not like the orange scumbag. He has proven himself to be a misogynistic, racist, ignorant, narcissistic, creepy liar and we are supposed to like him? So yes, it is hard to be fair to him and of course, he is allowed to complain that he is being treated unfairly at this point since we don't like him from the first day.

Here's a bit of a problem with that and I know that anyone who stumbles on this is going to misuse the last sentence of the first paragraph without context. Not that anyone is going to read this site thank god for that. This allows me to be as big an asshole as I want without people giving a flying fuck.

And on that note, fuck you Putin, fuck you Kim Jong Un, fuck you Maha Vajiralongkorn Bodindradebayavarangkun, fuck you Rodrigo Duterte, fuck you Marine Le Pen and other assholes I cannot think of at this time. You all deserve every fuck yous that is flung in your direction and that is putting it mildy.

Now, back to my original thought: the problem with Trump thinking that people are treating him unfairly is that he dug the hole that he is in, buried himself up to the neck in it and is now complaining about the fact that the dog is pissing on him. Trump, the dog is going to piss on you because you made it so easy for the dog to do that. You should not be expecting a glamorous Russian model to be pissing on you when you are buried in a hole.

Everything you did led up to this. If you had just exercised some restraint, took some time to learn how govern properly or at least, learned how to be corrupt in a more discreet fashion, people will not be complaining so much. You have to be smart about this because right now, you are a public servant. That's right. A public servant. A servant. Someone who serves the public, not just your rich buddies.

So fuck you when you say you are being treated unfairly. You deserve every bit of criminal investigation, every criticism and every harsh word sent your way.

With-holding info from the President

Sure, that sounds like something from a bad espionage fiction where the intelligence community with-holds information from their leader because they feel that their leader is incapable of handling the information.

In those stories, it leads to the intelligence community taking over the reigns of the government and running it like a shadow monarch, leaving the leader as a puppet figure on a throne...damn, that actually sounds good right now. At least it means that someone competent is running America.

In most scenarios, that would be a bad thing but fuck, man. This is Donald Trump you are talking about. The man undermines his own staff, takes credit for everything (and I mean everything, including the bad when they are desperately trying to make him look good. He goes and says, 'I meant to do this despotic thing from the very start) and just cannot keep his mouth shut.

So yeah...fuck it, bring Stephen Bannon back, if only because that would mean that Trump is just the figurehead leader and nothing more than that.

So Trump disclosed classified info

Because nothing is classified to Trump, except for his tax. "What? I disclosed classified information that a highly trusted ally gave to us? But I'm just telling it to the Russians. They're our very highly trusted ally, right?"

You know, I got pissed off when an idiot manager of mine disclosed company troubles to our customers by posting it in public. Trump, you just shared information that an ally shared with your country in the hopes that other countries/groups would not use that information to make things harder for your ally.

Hell, that information is strictly guarded in your own country to make sure that no one person can easily access it and you just blab it out to the first person that you were talking to. Your mouth is looser than your asshole and your asshole has been fisted by Putin so many times at this point, it's a wonder your shit doesn't trickle down your pants.

On the plus side, we can now safely say that there are no aliens in Roswell nor aliens that visited us. It would have been on the news already because you've blabbed about it to the Russian ambassador.

More missile tests? Please

So now there's the usual political dick measuring contest going on once more. It just sort of feels like the whole world is settling back into its normal trend of 'North Korea test missiles and the whole world reacts to it'.

You know, sort of like the class clown just did something weird in order to get people to react and pay attention to them. Granted, in this case, the class clown has the potential of killing thousands to millions of people and is a fat man with a serious daddy issue but still the same thing.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose? I guess it is, in a weird sense. Guess Donald Trump will not be bringing about the end of the world after all. Something that will be sort of disappointing in the years to come.

Hey Trump

It's not a good idea to threaten people publicly on the internet. For one thing, the internet never forgets. You can pull off all the bullshit that you want but the internet will haunt you until the day you die.

So we will never forget that you said that you will feed McDonald's to President Xi (which you did not do), we will never forget that you are a pervert who walks into women's locker rooms and say that you would like to date your daughter (you fucking creep) and now that you have publicly threatened a man with tape recordings...you're fucked in a way that you will never enjoy from Putin.

Look, Donnie. If you have leverage against a person, do it discreetly. Behind a wall where it's harder for people to see. Don't take to Twitter to threaten a person, especially since everyone in the world can see you do it and will never forget. Take them behind your office and talk to them privately. Sure, they might record the conversation but at least you can get points for being discreet. No points for intelligence but at least points for discretion.

The point is, Trump, you're not that smart and you never have been. Watching you trying to threaten people is like watching a child threaten another child with his action star father who knows five styles of martial arts and has an arsenal of guns: it's embarrassing.

Tape recordings

"See this?" Trump said to Somebody after showing them his collection of tapes about the conversations that he recorded. "Plenty of blackmail material. Everyone is now in my palm."

Somebody looked at the tapes and asked about the ones labeled 'Sexy'. Was he having an affair with one of the White House interns just like Bill Clinton?

"No, that's the ones that I'm did of Ivanka and Jared while they were doing it in the White House. Very hot and spankable," Trump said while licking his lips.

Again, why is everyone surprised?

Everyone is acting surprised that Trump fired Comey. Why? Oh because Comey helped to bring down Clinton and thus helped Trump to the presidency. That is ethically reprehensible because he interfered with the election and thus he should have been fired.

Right. We all know that is bullshit given as to how hard Trump loved Comey after that choice. The fact that Comey was about to start investigating Trump's campaign election and its ties with the Russians has nothing to do with his being fired.

Fuck this acting surprised shit. Trump is so bad at being an evil despot, he clearly has no idea how to be one and just does evil acts of despot-ry when he can because he can. It's like a child's idea of evil rulers: "I can do whatever I want and treat people however I want because I'm the ruler of the country."

Hey, Trump. If you want to be an evil despot, first you need to get enough people to like you enough to overlook your bullshit. The fact that you didn't get the popular election meant that there aren't enough people in America, let alone the world who likes you and thinks that everything you do is garbage.

So, no. There is no reason to be acting surprised. Not when you have a world leader who is a child's version of the Emperor on the seat of the Oval Office.

The new FBI director

Somebody asked Trump who he wanted as the new FBI director now that he fired James Comey and the POTUS seemed to hesitate a little.

"I can't decide. I'm thinking that maybe Junior should get a chance to be in the government. Or should Eric do it this time? Maybe Ivanka? But if she does that, how am I going to live without her ass anymore?" he mused thoughtfully.

You know what, let Trumpcare pass

Did you know that under the new healthcare bill, these conditions will make it harder for a person to get healthcare.

Acne, allergies, anxiety, asthma, basal cell skin cancer (a type of skin cancer that doesn’t tend to spread), depression, ear infections, fractures, high cholesterol, hypertension, incontinence, joint injuries, kidney stones, menstrual irregularities, migraine headaches, overweight, restless leg syndrome, tonsillitis, urinary tract infections, varicose veins, and vertigo.

Hey, Trump. Did you know that you are overweight, probably have high cholesterol from all that beef steaks and McDonald's you like to eat and you have those bone spurs in your foot which prevented you from being drafted in the Vietnam War? That means you should be denied health care under your own fucking law or at least pay more for your doctor bills?

Not that it fucking matters to you. You're rich and just have to pay more even without health insurance.

Trump's legacy

Because if that fat bastard can start running reelection campaigns 100 days after he was appointed as president, then I too can say what his legacy is going to be.

The obvious legacy that Orange fatty will leave behind is the world knee-jerking to right-wing nationalism like the plague that it is. Holland shoved aside nationalistic populism when they rejected Geert Wilders and now Marine Le Pen has also been rejected as well.

Why? There is a certain level of what the fuck is going on in America after seeing Trump elected on his campaign style and promises and people are wary of that, as so many others have pointed out before me. But it's good to point it out further, on this unwatched and unread part of the internet so that the shadows will fight back against Trumpism.

So yes. This is a good thing that I'm saying about Trump becoming President. People see his presidency and say, "Fuck it. We don't want our version of Trump. Fuck that shitbag and keep it in America. And maybe we'll see that view and ideology as terrible and outdated. Thanks Trump."

And that will be Trump's greatest contribution to humanity: pointing out that his views and politics are horrible things that humanity should get rid off.

I'm just wondering

Well he's not obese yet but he's definitely fat and with some of the stupidest views ever on working out. So let's put out a petition: let's call Trump Garfield instead. They're both fat, lazy and orange. No?

On the other hand, that would be an insult to Garfield. At least the cat made some people genuinely happy and doesn't have nukes to fire at people.

All this talk about fat Trump

Got me thinking actually. Since Trump subscribe to this whole humans are a finite battery and the more physical activity a person use, the shorter their lives span, he doesn't exercise, hence why he is on the way of becoming the least physically fit POTUS as well as one of the fattest.

Does that mean that he is a virgin as well? I mean...think about it. Sex is, like it or not, a physical activity. You have to exert yourself in order to pro-create and seeing that Trump doesn't like to exert himself at all, does that mean he has never had sex before in his life.

Before you point out that he has children and thus have had sex, I will concede that on account that Trump Jr came out before in-vitro fertilization (1978 for the first documented conception) but there's also the high chance that he was not the active party in that one and that conception was done cowboy style instead so that it was Trump Jr's mom doing all of the physical activity instead. After that, Trump refused to fuck a woman and just had everything test-tube style.

That's just my theory anyways. A fucked-up one (hehehe...fucked up theory...) but one that I would like to posit to the world. #Trumpisavirgin

Some good news from France

Oh good. French female Trump did not win the French election and instead the man who married his teacher (virtually the only interesting thing about him) became the president of France instead.

At least that is something good to hear this week and that France went the way of the Netherlands on this matter. Congrats to Emmanuel Macron for winning the election. Now it's time to see if he can keep his campaign promises and work to make France a better country.

Of course, the issues that Le Pen championed are legit ones but her way of doing it is just awful and completely inhumane. Macron should look at those issues and work on them properly, finding a middle ground that would serve both sides of the issue.

But that's the reason why a centrist was chosen, right? He can cherry pick between left and right and even mix them up for a good cocktail, right?

Right?

The rest of the world has better healthcare than America

So said Donald Trump. I can just end it here by typing that. Hell, that would even mean that this country has a better healthcare system than America since that is what Trump said.

But seriously though, as long as America focuses on this really weird system where only rich people can benefit from health care instead of everyone, then yes, everybody else will have better healthcare than Americans.

Because only people who lead good lives have good health, says Mo Brooks. Thus Americans of all colors do not lead good lives according to him since Trump said that everybody else has better health than Americans.

For a taste of something different

So, Jawi just said admitted that the couple whose room that they raided earlier this year are in fact married. But they're still insisting that the raid is lawful? How? Explain yourself properly because I'm failing to see how it is, given that you injured the couple in the raid, refused to accept marriage certificates after it has been provided and forced people to pay a bond in order to secure their release and a court appointment.

How is this is not contradictory at all? Your 'supposed' duty is to catch Muslims who are inappropriately close to each other but you don't even show restraint (eight people to catch a couple in an act. That's excessive in every way) and you disrespect the sanctity of the institution that you claim to protect (disregarding legal proof that a couple is married in the form of their marriage certificate).

Not to say that this is a thing that real police won't do (they do that in so many places around the world) but this galls me especially since Jawi is a religion enforcement group, which by the statement alone is something that is idiotic and unnecessary.

Religious police are a thing of the past and should not be enforced on people in this day and age. Religion is, after all, something that is personal and between yourself and your faith. Policing it simply means you are enforcing your beliefs onto others and the term for that is dictator, something that religions should not aspire to be.

So, it is my hope that Jawi takes a huge blow from this case. Religious police should be something that is buried and forgotten like the ancient relic that it is, possibly with graffiti from people who say that they were there. Oh and before people think that only Islam has religious police, google Alabama megachurch has its own police force. Why does a church need its own police force anyways? It makes no sense.

To save or not to save

Somebody asked Donald Trump about the woman and the child from Honduras who might be killed by gangs since she was deported back and Trump said, "How many times am I going to say this? No illegal immigrants in America!"

Somebody pointed out that she has a valid reason in fleeing here since she was a witness to a gang killing and Trump said, "How many times do I have to say this? No illegal immigrants in America! I don't care about those people as long as they are not white and rich!"

Healthcare to cost less for people who lead good lives

Somebody just got news from Trump that he will be changing Trumpcare so that it will cost less for people who lead good lives, just like how Mo Brooks suggested it to be.

How will they judge people's lives, Somebody asked and Trump shrug. "Live like I do. That's a good life right?"

Who would be honored to meet Kim Jong-Un?

Apparently, Trump and under the right conditions, thus making my theory about the two of them having weird sex a more likely scenario than I had previously thought.

Of course, Trump is impressed that the lad is able to assume power at such a young age and is able to lead the country forward according to his press secretary Sean McCarthy. Yes, leave it up to Trump to be impressed by nepotism and dynasties.

Asshole.

Cockshot

I remember a few weeks ago reading about Rodrigo Duterte and how he wanted to slap people who criticized his drug war policies. It's a bit of a wasted opportunity since it was weeks ago but I really couldn't be bothered to learn how to spell his name until today.

So, for a joke a few weeks in the making because I cannot be bothered to spell a son of a bitch's name (apologies to male puppies everywhere for lumping you in with this scum), here's my criticism of Duterte's drug war nonsense.

See, the problem with your drug war is that you just round people up who happen to be in the area and point a gun at them before pulling the trigger. No trial, no chance to prove their innocence, nothing. That is not justice, that's just your bloodlust speaking and how you want nothing more than to bathe in human blood in order to restore and maintain your youth.

And worst of all, it does shit in the long run. Sure, kill people right now to reduce the number of people who peddle drugs. But you don't do anything to curb the reasons why people sell drugs or take them in the first place. You just kill people. That's all you wanted to do since you were mayor and now you get to do it on a national level.

So fuck you, you cruel, bloodthirsty asshole. Fuck your insane, sociopathic, legally gray way of getting your killing boner on. That's what you're doing this for: because you want to watch a snuff film that being filmed right in front of your eyes.

Alright. I'm now waiting for my plane ticket to the Philippines which I am sure that Rodrigo Duterte will pay for in order to get me to come over to him so that he can slap me in the face. Come on. I dare you to do that.

Did anyone not see this coming? Part 2

The other ego-maniacal man with bad hair cut and daddy issues tested inter-continental missiles the other day and we are surprised why? That's how North Korea acts. The more we threaten them, the more they puff themselves up in order to make themselves look threatening.

So yes, North Korea is like a tiny animal that does its best to look bigger and better than it actually is. Like a blowfish. Of course, a blowfish actually is poisonous and in a way, North Korea is poisonous to the world. It's backwards, ruled by a dynasty that should be kicked out and does things that will end up hurting the world more than making itself great.

People like Kim Jong-un should just roll over and die without an heir; the age of dynasties and inherited rulers are long past and the limitations of such a system is obvious in that we have an incompetent man ruling a country, making it terrible for itself and the world in general.

But he would disagree because it would mean that he lose everything that he has. And the thing is, it really is up to the people of North Korea to topple that dynasty one way or another. Nothing that the rest of the world do will make sure that the system can change because it will result in another dynasty claiming that the world's interference made things worse.

So fuck Kim Jong-Un like the tiny-dicked, insecure man with horrible haircut that he is. And seriously, who is his hair stylist? That is a horrible hairstyle like he's trying to stop early onset balding that took away the front portion of his hair.