So Donnie boy went up and slammed the media for being 'fake news' and 'being out of touch'? Come on. He's been doing that since day 1 when he accused the media of saying that his inauguration day was smaller than he thought it was. Just like how he's saying that his dick is bigger than he thinks it is.
Now, the media being out of touch is correct. They have no idea what the trends are, cannot differentiate between cgi and real pictures and can be really embarrassing to watch on public holidays but are they fake news? Protip: of course not.
Manipulated towards a particular agenda? Definitely. Running on the whims of their sponsors and owners? Of course. But at least they are trying to put facts out there instead of Trump who just spouts nonsense out of the asshole on his face at every single moment.
It goes without saying that the media will continue to do what they are doing of course. Most will not be handing praises to Trump anytime soon thankfully and he does not deserve it. Insults and criticisms are what a man like him need because his ego is a balloon filled with hydrogen and we need tiny pricks on it to slowly let the air out or else we are going to be consumed with fire at the worst possible moment.
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Saturday, April 29, 2017
A little thought as we enter 100 days
It's weird but here's the thing about Trump: stop praising him in any way. He should not be given the slightest bit of praise whatsoever. Not because we want to reward him in any way but because every single criticism and insult hurled at him might turn him into a better person.
Weird isn't it? It might boil down to some daddy issue that he seems to have where he craves praise from his father. I don't know because I don't like really biographies (an autobiography by Trump? While a possible thing to see, I highly doubt that the man has the patience to sit down and write about himself) and I don't know what his familial relationships are like (other than him wanting to fuck his daughter).
But it does feel like the best way to make him a better person is to keep with-holding the carrot from him and make him reach out for it. Because every bit of praise he gets, he will nurse it like a dying man nursing his lack drop of beer and he will repeat the action that gets him the praise like a monkey pulling a lever to get free grapes.
Besides, it's better to punish the monkey for not pulling the lever than to reward it. Its actions are far faster than getting a reward.
Apologies for comparing Trump to a monkey: a monkey is far more respectable and has better self control than the orange muck of humanity.
Weird isn't it? It might boil down to some daddy issue that he seems to have where he craves praise from his father. I don't know because I don't like really biographies (an autobiography by Trump? While a possible thing to see, I highly doubt that the man has the patience to sit down and write about himself) and I don't know what his familial relationships are like (other than him wanting to fuck his daughter).
But it does feel like the best way to make him a better person is to keep with-holding the carrot from him and make him reach out for it. Because every bit of praise he gets, he will nurse it like a dying man nursing his lack drop of beer and he will repeat the action that gets him the praise like a monkey pulling a lever to get free grapes.
Besides, it's better to punish the monkey for not pulling the lever than to reward it. Its actions are far faster than getting a reward.
Apologies for comparing Trump to a monkey: a monkey is far more respectable and has better self control than the orange muck of humanity.
Friday, April 28, 2017
A lot of people are saying
Somebody asked Donald the other day, who are these strange 'a lot of people who agree with him' when it seems to be clear that very few people are not agreeing as indicated by the media.
"Those are fake media by the way," Trump said immediately. "Also, there's a lot of people telling me that they agree with me. Take for instance..." he pointed at the person who has their head shoved up Trump's asshole.
"Do you agree with me?" he asked and he got a muffed answer. "He said yes. I can feel his lips moving inside my...oh...do that again. It'll make me cum harder."
"Those are fake media by the way," Trump said immediately. "Also, there's a lot of people telling me that they agree with me. Take for instance..." he pointed at the person who has their head shoved up Trump's asshole.
"Do you agree with me?" he asked and he got a muffed answer. "He said yes. I can feel his lips moving inside my...oh...do that again. It'll make me cum harder."
Thursday, April 27, 2017
100 days
So it's coming up to 100 days of Trump being POTUS and well...we all know by now how much he claims that 100 days is not a benchmark worth talking about (despite him promising a lot of shit in his first 100 days as shown below)
So let's take a moment to not take about the shit that he promised that he would do (but failed to do) and let's forget about the shit that he did not do/fail to do because everyone's doing that. Let's have a look at some of the things that he actually did do.
1) Bribed Carrier to retain jobs in America, a move that they were already going to do in the first place thus wasting money in the process.
2) Allowed hunters to hunt bears while they are hibernating. Because nothing says sportsmanship like shooting an animal while they are sleeping.
3) Saved jobs for the coal industry, an industry that is slowly being phased out because the world is moving away from coal. One of the things that he did was remove a law that prevented miners from dumping wastes into streams. Yes, because we as humans do not need water to survive and we need more coal for our energy.
4) Allowed internet providers to sell people's browsing history to advertisers and other companies. Because he clearly values privacy and that's why he refuses to let journalists follow him around on dinner dates.
5) Fired missiles at Syria and moved an armada to North Korea. Too bad that the missiles were useless since the airport the missiles were fired at was still working hours after the missile strike and the armada was headed towards Australia rather than North Korea.
So yes, he did do some things. No one will deny that. Whether they will end up being good or not, who knows? We're not prescient beings otherwise there would be no need for leaders.
So let's take a moment to not take about the shit that he promised that he would do (but failed to do) and let's forget about the shit that he did not do/fail to do because everyone's doing that. Let's have a look at some of the things that he actually did do.
1) Bribed Carrier to retain jobs in America, a move that they were already going to do in the first place thus wasting money in the process.
2) Allowed hunters to hunt bears while they are hibernating. Because nothing says sportsmanship like shooting an animal while they are sleeping.
3) Saved jobs for the coal industry, an industry that is slowly being phased out because the world is moving away from coal. One of the things that he did was remove a law that prevented miners from dumping wastes into streams. Yes, because we as humans do not need water to survive and we need more coal for our energy.
4) Allowed internet providers to sell people's browsing history to advertisers and other companies. Because he clearly values privacy and that's why he refuses to let journalists follow him around on dinner dates.
5) Fired missiles at Syria and moved an armada to North Korea. Too bad that the missiles were useless since the airport the missiles were fired at was still working hours after the missile strike and the armada was headed towards Australia rather than North Korea.
So yes, he did do some things. No one will deny that. Whether they will end up being good or not, who knows? We're not prescient beings otherwise there would be no need for leaders.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
The Mediocre Wall of Trump
It's frankly quite amazing how many Republicans still think that Trump's wall is not a literal wall. Now, to be fair to these Republicans, they are probably the ones who are also the more realistic thinking ones since what they think is that the 'wall' means better security and less loopholes.
But as pointed out by many people, Trump has been quite literal-minded in all of his pursuits thus far. He has even gone so far as to say that he will delay funding for his wall but he will eventually get the damn thing built in his presidency.
Look, Trump. The wall is a stupid idea and is only there because you want to have something that people can see from space just like some other rich people do and you need to show off that your hands are not that small, we get it.
The problem with you is that your failures are spectacularly big and you have gone bankrupt regularly and this wall is looking like that casino of yours that you made go bankrupt. What kind of a fucking idiot bankrupts a casino? A business where people go to you in order to lose money to you?
Donald Trump is apparently that man.
But as pointed out by many people, Trump has been quite literal-minded in all of his pursuits thus far. He has even gone so far as to say that he will delay funding for his wall but he will eventually get the damn thing built in his presidency.
Look, Trump. The wall is a stupid idea and is only there because you want to have something that people can see from space just like some other rich people do and you need to show off that your hands are not that small, we get it.
The problem with you is that your failures are spectacularly big and you have gone bankrupt regularly and this wall is looking like that casino of yours that you made go bankrupt. What kind of a fucking idiot bankrupts a casino? A business where people go to you in order to lose money to you?
Donald Trump is apparently that man.
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
French Election Part 2
By this time, it is almost certain that it's the teacher lover vs the racist prick in the French election and the future of the European Union. So fingers crossed and hopefully, it will not be Marine Le Pen in a case of Trump II. At least Holland was smart about that.
But no matter who wins this election, France is still going to be screwed up in the end, IMO. Current poll numbers at the time of this writing seems to indicate that France is divided amongst the top four candidates and as one person puts it, no matter who wins, 75% of the nation is not going to be happy.
It is going to suck for the winner at the very least since whoever it is will have to deal with the three quarter mentioned above. People are not an easy thing to deal with. I know that which is why my preferred lifestyle is very isolationist.
But that's life as a politician. They have to deal with people, find a way to get things to work, understand the bigger picture, compromise on issues and make sure that everyone can get a chance to earn a proper living. At least on paper, that is.
But no matter who wins this election, France is still going to be screwed up in the end, IMO. Current poll numbers at the time of this writing seems to indicate that France is divided amongst the top four candidates and as one person puts it, no matter who wins, 75% of the nation is not going to be happy.
It is going to suck for the winner at the very least since whoever it is will have to deal with the three quarter mentioned above. People are not an easy thing to deal with. I know that which is why my preferred lifestyle is very isolationist.
But that's life as a politician. They have to deal with people, find a way to get things to work, understand the bigger picture, compromise on issues and make sure that everyone can get a chance to earn a proper living. At least on paper, that is.
Monday, April 24, 2017
Environmental protection
Somebody asked Trump why he was insisted that his administration was doing everything it could in order to protect the environment when it slashed 1.5 billion dollars of funding from the organizations that protected the environment.
"Isn't that what I said? We are doing everything that we could. There's more important things out there, like for example, how much money am I going to be making during my Presidency, how much money I will be earning after and how much money my kids are making right now?" he says.
"I mean, after making sure that I earn the most amount of money, what's left is everything that we could do, right?"
"Isn't that what I said? We are doing everything that we could. There's more important things out there, like for example, how much money am I going to be making during my Presidency, how much money I will be earning after and how much money my kids are making right now?" he says.
"I mean, after making sure that I earn the most amount of money, what's left is everything that we could do, right?"
Sunday, April 23, 2017
Taking a break from insulting Trump
Because it's time to go French today. In this case, specifically the far-right French female version of Trump, Marine Le Pen (because God knows, even women can be pieces of shit upon the fabric of humanity. Go feminism!)
Look. I'm very clearly not French since otherwise, this whole thing will be written in French but I think that in the interest of humanity, it is best to find a way to block these type of people from ever finding a say in international politics.
The world is becoming increasingly connected with one another (of course, I note the irony of me saying this with a large grin on my face given that I have an overwhelming tendency to stay rooted and hidden from the world) and these sort of thinking is horrible to the growth of humanity as a species.
I like to think of the world as a weird place. Plenty of borders to mark cultural differences and yet, intermingling enough that no one will want to look at each other with hate on account that we believe differently and look differently. Sounds great doesn't it?
The problem with nationalism is that it wants borders drawn as a straight, unbroken line. Not porous ones where people can seep in and out without worries. New ideas to come in and flow out that benefits both sides will never happen. Instead, the whole world becomes a Dead Sea where nothing lives and everything floats because there's too much salt in the water.
But these people like it that way because nothing happens in the Dead Sea. Everything is static because everything is dead. The old ways is the only way to live according to these people. There's no reason to change, they say.
But we need to change a lot of things. A lot of the old ways are shit and need to be discarded. Sure, they may be familiar but they does not mean that they are good. That's why we want to get rid of them. They're too damn salty at this point.
So where does Marine Le Pen fit in all this? Honestly, if I have my way, she should just be a footnote in the world's history. Someone who was there at that point and made a little wave but otherwise, forgotten by the world at large. Such ideas and politics should be booted out because it's old and moronic and we don't need this sort of shit in the twenty-first century.
Look. I'm very clearly not French since otherwise, this whole thing will be written in French but I think that in the interest of humanity, it is best to find a way to block these type of people from ever finding a say in international politics.
The world is becoming increasingly connected with one another (of course, I note the irony of me saying this with a large grin on my face given that I have an overwhelming tendency to stay rooted and hidden from the world) and these sort of thinking is horrible to the growth of humanity as a species.
I like to think of the world as a weird place. Plenty of borders to mark cultural differences and yet, intermingling enough that no one will want to look at each other with hate on account that we believe differently and look differently. Sounds great doesn't it?
The problem with nationalism is that it wants borders drawn as a straight, unbroken line. Not porous ones where people can seep in and out without worries. New ideas to come in and flow out that benefits both sides will never happen. Instead, the whole world becomes a Dead Sea where nothing lives and everything floats because there's too much salt in the water.
But these people like it that way because nothing happens in the Dead Sea. Everything is static because everything is dead. The old ways is the only way to live according to these people. There's no reason to change, they say.
But we need to change a lot of things. A lot of the old ways are shit and need to be discarded. Sure, they may be familiar but they does not mean that they are good. That's why we want to get rid of them. They're too damn salty at this point.
So where does Marine Le Pen fit in all this? Honestly, if I have my way, she should just be a footnote in the world's history. Someone who was there at that point and made a little wave but otherwise, forgotten by the world at large. Such ideas and politics should be booted out because it's old and moronic and we don't need this sort of shit in the twenty-first century.
Saturday, April 22, 2017
Trump disrespects his wife?
So there has been a little hoo ha about how Trump disrespects his wife by not walking with her and basically staying three feet ahead of her when walking out of the car and walking down the plane. To which I say, what's the big deal?
I mean, we already know that he disrespects women in every way possible. See his comments on Twitter, on TV, his nominees for his staff at the White House, how he walks in on the Miss Teen USA and Miss USA contestants while they are changing clothes because he's inspecting them, his pussy grab fiasco, his clear lust for his daughter and many, many, many, many, many more.
So now people are fussing over the fact that he does not respect his wife? Don't act like that's such a big shocker that you never saw coming a mile away. The man clearly had no respect for women from the day he was born and he never will and the sad thing is that there are plenty of women out there who clearly respects this trait of his.
I mean, we already know that he disrespects women in every way possible. See his comments on Twitter, on TV, his nominees for his staff at the White House, how he walks in on the Miss Teen USA and Miss USA contestants while they are changing clothes because he's inspecting them, his pussy grab fiasco, his clear lust for his daughter and many, many, many, many, many more.
So now people are fussing over the fact that he does not respect his wife? Don't act like that's such a big shocker that you never saw coming a mile away. The man clearly had no respect for women from the day he was born and he never will and the sad thing is that there are plenty of women out there who clearly respects this trait of his.
Friday, April 21, 2017
Gold-plated ride for Trump?
Of course, the world is gearing up for themo-nuclear war at this point (unless war broke out by the time this post hits the net) since Trump and Kim Jong-Un is busy measuring their dicks against each other (the result is that they both have micro-penises and thus both of them are losers).
It's just weird. We all knew that impending doom was coming when Trump was elected and some even predicted it coming very soon given his pettiness and childish tantrums. But really? Starting a war because the media started giving you some praise?
So, there is some comfort in finding out that Trump is still Trump as he wants a gold-plated carriage in his ride with the Queen of England. Because in the end, the only thing that could really and truly give Trump an erection is gold and its shower onto him.
Now if he can just stop spraying himself orange and just wrap some leather around his face. Maybe that would make him a little more thick-skinned and more content with the shit that he has. But alas, he is the asshole that assholes squirted out and now we have to deal with him.
The world will go on. Trump is just one man and in fifty, sixty years, he will be dead and forgotten by everyone despite our rants about him. That at least is the good thing about life. We will forget the shittiness of the past since it happened so long ago.
Now, we just have to live past it.
It's just weird. We all knew that impending doom was coming when Trump was elected and some even predicted it coming very soon given his pettiness and childish tantrums. But really? Starting a war because the media started giving you some praise?
So, there is some comfort in finding out that Trump is still Trump as he wants a gold-plated carriage in his ride with the Queen of England. Because in the end, the only thing that could really and truly give Trump an erection is gold and its shower onto him.
Now if he can just stop spraying himself orange and just wrap some leather around his face. Maybe that would make him a little more thick-skinned and more content with the shit that he has. But alas, he is the asshole that assholes squirted out and now we have to deal with him.
The world will go on. Trump is just one man and in fifty, sixty years, he will be dead and forgotten by everyone despite our rants about him. That at least is the good thing about life. We will forget the shittiness of the past since it happened so long ago.
Now, we just have to live past it.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Sweet sweet karma
There is a certain deliciousness when reading about Trump complaining that people are still demanding to see his tax returns. "Election is over and he easily won," he complained in a tweet.
It's almost like that time when he spent years obsessing over Obama's birth and repeatedly demanded that Obama release his birth certificate for the world to see. I'd say payback is a bitch and now it's time for people to demand for Trump to release his tax returns for the next four years.
There's a five million dollar donation to any charity that he can name (including the fraudulent Trump charity) if Trump releases his tax returns to public scrutiny. It's not from me obviously but I'm just saying that there is one out there.
It's almost like that time when he spent years obsessing over Obama's birth and repeatedly demanded that Obama release his birth certificate for the world to see. I'd say payback is a bitch and now it's time for people to demand for Trump to release his tax returns for the next four years.
There's a five million dollar donation to any charity that he can name (including the fraudulent Trump charity) if Trump releases his tax returns to public scrutiny. It's not from me obviously but I'm just saying that there is one out there.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
No more strategic peace, time for strategic impatience!
"When are we going to nuke North Korea? I wanna nuke North Korea!" Trump's cries of protests can be heard in the White House, according to Somebody when they went to check in on the POTUS.
Despite repeatedly being told that nukes are strategic weapons and not tactical ones, Trump went on to say, "But if I drop a nuke on North Korea, everyone will like me! After the missile strikes on Syria and the MOAB on Afganistan, the media started to praise me! I like it when people praise me!"
Despite repeatedly being told that nukes are strategic weapons and not tactical ones, Trump went on to say, "But if I drop a nuke on North Korea, everyone will like me! After the missile strikes on Syria and the MOAB on Afganistan, the media started to praise me! I like it when people praise me!"
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Trump switches to Xi-ism
"I think I like Xi's dick better than Putin's dick," Trump suddenly announced to Somebody, taking them by surprise.
When Somebody asked him why, Trump replied, "Because his dick is smaller and easier on my ass. Now...it's Gina right? Everyone keeps telling me it's China, not Gina."
When Somebody asked him why, Trump replied, "Because his dick is smaller and easier on my ass. Now...it's Gina right? Everyone keeps telling me it's China, not Gina."
Monday, April 17, 2017
Fine dining at Mar-a-Lago
Come dine at Mar-a-Lago! Not so fresh food served to you as our foods are kept in freezers that are warmer than recommended!
Eat our sushi! Wait...what's that? It's not sushi? It's actually normal fish but it's just served undercooked and/or raw? Fuck that, we'll just call it sushi then. It's not like anyone can tell the difference. 200k of membership fee will make you think that everything here is first class.
Don't forget that you can also take pictures of world leaders dining here as they discuss top secret details like North Korea's missile testing! You can also pose with the people who carry the nuclear codes all over while you have your pictures taken!
Mar-a-Lago! It's not shit coming out of your asshole! It's our delectable fish that made you feel good about bowel evacuations.
Eat our sushi! Wait...what's that? It's not sushi? It's actually normal fish but it's just served undercooked and/or raw? Fuck that, we'll just call it sushi then. It's not like anyone can tell the difference. 200k of membership fee will make you think that everything here is first class.
Don't forget that you can also take pictures of world leaders dining here as they discuss top secret details like North Korea's missile testing! You can also pose with the people who carry the nuclear codes all over while you have your pictures taken!
Mar-a-Lago! It's not shit coming out of your asshole! It's our delectable fish that made you feel good about bowel evacuations.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Trump is not flip-flopping; he is a puppet.
So over the week, Trump has been breaking promises, forgetting things that he said in the past and reversed his words over people (where's the McDonald's that you're supposed to be feeding Xi? Instead you fine-dined him at Mar-A-Lago).
Some people have said that this is nothing more than Trump bending the world to his will, that he is a strong man. To most other people, this is nothing more than Trump being a bitch to the situation; his ass belongs to whoever is dictating the moment and he loves it that.
War on Syria without Congress approval (remember that tweet when Trump insisted that Obama should have support from Congress to start a war), declaring that China is not manipulating its currency and NATO is no longer obsolete.
What gives? Of course, some would say that Stephen Bannon no longer being the President is a big part of this but it sure does paint a pretty picture of a puppet who dances to the tune of people who tugs on his string and make him move and talk however he wants.
In other words, Trump is no more a president than he was last year and will not be one next year although he is still someone's bitch. Whose bitch? That's hard to say at this point. Maybe we'll get a new master in a few months time when he gets tired of Jared Kushner being called the president of the US of A.
Some people have said that this is nothing more than Trump bending the world to his will, that he is a strong man. To most other people, this is nothing more than Trump being a bitch to the situation; his ass belongs to whoever is dictating the moment and he loves it that.
War on Syria without Congress approval (remember that tweet when Trump insisted that Obama should have support from Congress to start a war), declaring that China is not manipulating its currency and NATO is no longer obsolete.
What gives? Of course, some would say that Stephen Bannon no longer being the President is a big part of this but it sure does paint a pretty picture of a puppet who dances to the tune of people who tugs on his string and make him move and talk however he wants.
In other words, Trump is no more a president than he was last year and will not be one next year although he is still someone's bitch. Whose bitch? That's hard to say at this point. Maybe we'll get a new master in a few months time when he gets tired of Jared Kushner being called the president of the US of A.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
History lesson for the people in the White House
Since Trump knows shit about history, the subject itself has become unimportant to members of its staff such as when Sean Spicer claimed that Hitler did not use chemical weapons on their own people.
Firstly, as everyone has pointed out by this point, concentration camp prisoners (German civilians) were killed by the Nazis (German people) using gas (chemical weapons). The difference here is that it was the Caucasian Germans (Nazis) killing the Jewish, Roma and dissidents (non-white Germans, homosexual Germans) using chemical weapons. Of course, given as to how white the White House is recently, it can be understood that the people in the White House are being taken over by Nazis.
Secondly, Hitler was ready to use chemical weapons near the end of the war but luckily, the Wehrmacht stopped him from doing that because the war was going to be over soon and there was no point in making things worse. Of course, Hitler being Trump, wanted to make things worse for people without giving a shit for them.
So to the non-existent people in the White House who is reading this, read a fucking history book. Just because the President is illiterate does not mean that you are excused from that. You want to come out looking smarter than the person raging over Twitter don't you?
Firstly, as everyone has pointed out by this point, concentration camp prisoners (German civilians) were killed by the Nazis (German people) using gas (chemical weapons). The difference here is that it was the Caucasian Germans (Nazis) killing the Jewish, Roma and dissidents (non-white Germans, homosexual Germans) using chemical weapons. Of course, given as to how white the White House is recently, it can be understood that the people in the White House are being taken over by Nazis.
Secondly, Hitler was ready to use chemical weapons near the end of the war but luckily, the Wehrmacht stopped him from doing that because the war was going to be over soon and there was no point in making things worse. Of course, Hitler being Trump, wanted to make things worse for people without giving a shit for them.
So to the non-existent people in the White House who is reading this, read a fucking history book. Just because the President is illiterate does not mean that you are excused from that. You want to come out looking smarter than the person raging over Twitter don't you?
Friday, April 14, 2017
Trump is offended by the idea that he is not the President
Alt-right people, you should realize that Trump does not like it when people refuse to acknowledge him as the President. That's why he's going out of his way to push Stephen Bannon out of the White House.
So what makes you think that complaining about Kushner and Ivanka controlling Trump and being the new shadow President will make him remove them from the White House?
You know what? Complain some more. At least that should remove some of the blatant nepotism that is happening in the damn White House if Trump actually starts to worry about the people's view his Presidency's legitimacy.
So what makes you think that complaining about Kushner and Ivanka controlling Trump and being the new shadow President will make him remove them from the White House?
You know what? Complain some more. At least that should remove some of the blatant nepotism that is happening in the damn White House if Trump actually starts to worry about the people's view his Presidency's legitimacy.
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Trump's war boner just got bigger somehow
"Oooh...I didn't know that it felt this good to shoot people with missiles," Trump said to Somebody as the latter stared at the mess left on Trump's desk in the Oval Office.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fire some missiles at Russia. That is going to me more excited..." Trump started to say before the door was kicked down and Putin walked in.
"No missiles to Russia," Putin said while wagging his finger. "You are the catcher and I am the pitcher, da?"
"Da," Trump said obediently and proceeded to pull down his pants to let Putin have his usual way with him.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fire some missiles at Russia. That is going to me more excited..." Trump started to say before the door was kicked down and Putin walked in.
"No missiles to Russia," Putin said while wagging his finger. "You are the catcher and I am the pitcher, da?"
"Da," Trump said obediently and proceeded to pull down his pants to let Putin have his usual way with him.
Slight disclaimer
To my shock and horror, I just noticed that this blog actually got some views even though I told no one about this and made sure to keep my mouth shut about the existence of this site. I guess Google really does exist for some reason.
So, just as a small reminder, almost everything on this site is a lie and falsehood one way or another, just like the words that are coming out of the hole that is Trump's mouth. I do this purely for fun, because it's a lot of fun to insult Donald Trump even as he is destroying the world to line his own pocket and not make America great at all.
Because seriously, when you stand up on the podium and do the things that he does, why shouldn't you become a target of mockery? Fuck everything he does, although I'm pretty certain that he wants Putin to do that to him and he wants to do it Ivanka.
So, just as a small reminder, almost everything on this site is a lie and falsehood one way or another, just like the words that are coming out of the hole that is Trump's mouth. I do this purely for fun, because it's a lot of fun to insult Donald Trump even as he is destroying the world to line his own pocket and not make America great at all.
Because seriously, when you stand up on the podium and do the things that he does, why shouldn't you become a target of mockery? Fuck everything he does, although I'm pretty certain that he wants Putin to do that to him and he wants to do it Ivanka.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
15 golf trips in 11 weeks
Somebody asked Donald Trump if he could ever justify taking so many golf trips in such a short amount of time after being the President of America. Surely, a leader of the free world has better things to do than play golf?
"Of course I do," Trump said confidently. "I need to make sure that my golf courses are still being well-maintained and taken care of by my kids."
But isn't that a conflict of interest, Somebody asked. Donald just looked puzzled and said, "No, it's in my interest to make sure that I still make money even when I'm President. How else do you expect me to make up for donating my paycheck to the National Park Service?"
"Of course I do," Trump said confidently. "I need to make sure that my golf courses are still being well-maintained and taken care of by my kids."
But isn't that a conflict of interest, Somebody asked. Donald just looked puzzled and said, "No, it's in my interest to make sure that I still make money even when I'm President. How else do you expect me to make up for donating my paycheck to the National Park Service?"
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Putin does not want to be depicted as a gay clown
But he is apparently okay with being a bisexual clown, a pansexual clown, an omnisexual clown and even a heterosexual clown. Sadly my artistic abilities are extremely limited and I have no desire to look for pics on the internet so here's a few scenarios that I decided to come with.
Putin pounding Trump in the ass while being rimmed by a mare and wearing clown make-up.
Putin having sex with Trump, Kim Jong Un and a mare while wearing clown make-up.
Putin watching over Assad and Trump making out while getting a blow job from a mare and wearing clown make-up.
What? It never said that he should be fucking a female human.
Putin pounding Trump in the ass while being rimmed by a mare and wearing clown make-up.
Putin having sex with Trump, Kim Jong Un and a mare while wearing clown make-up.
Putin watching over Assad and Trump making out while getting a blow job from a mare and wearing clown make-up.
What? It never said that he should be fucking a female human.
Monday, April 10, 2017
Why Trump barraged Syria with 59 missiles
"Only 59 missiles?" Trump said in shock when Somebody asked him about the rationale behind his highly contentious and dubiously legal act of attacking Syria. "I wanted to hit them with all the missiles. What is wrong with our army?"
Sunday, April 9, 2017
Double size Big Mac for the Chinese President
True to his word (amazingly enough), Trump served the President of China a double sized Big Mac when the latter came over to visit at the Mar A Lago.
"Where is my lavish dinner? You gave one to Abe. Where is mine?" Xi was heard demanding this over dinner and Trump simply pointed to this news reel.
"But you never keep your promises!" Xi complained. "That's why no one takes you seriously!"
"Where is my lavish dinner? You gave one to Abe. Where is mine?" Xi was heard demanding this over dinner and Trump simply pointed to this news reel.
"But you never keep your promises!" Xi complained. "That's why no one takes you seriously!"
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Trump has a war boner with Syria
Somebody went to the Oval Office and saw Trump masturbating over a map of Syria. They closed the door immediately and let the so-called President finish his work before returning to talk to him.
He was still masturbating an hour later and it was hard to get work done that day.
He was still masturbating an hour later and it was hard to get work done that day.
Friday, April 7, 2017
Removing Stephen Bannon
Trump was looking smug the other day after he had removed Stephen Bannon from his National Security Council post and Somebody asked him why.
"That'll show him who's boss in the White House," Trump said triumphantly. "I'm the boss of America right now and if I say you're fired, then you're fired."
"Trump!" Putin called out as he marched into the Oval Office. "Get down on my knees and suck me off right now!"
"Yes, boss!" Trump said immediately as he got down on all fours like a dog and started to get to work on Putin's mediocre shaft.
"That'll show him who's boss in the White House," Trump said triumphantly. "I'm the boss of America right now and if I say you're fired, then you're fired."
"Trump!" Putin called out as he marched into the Oval Office. "Get down on my knees and suck me off right now!"
"Yes, boss!" Trump said immediately as he got down on all fours like a dog and started to get to work on Putin's mediocre shaft.
Thursday, April 6, 2017
Trump donates his paycheck
"Isn't that nice of me?" Trump boasted to Somebody after his press secretary had handed the check over to the National Park Service.
Somebody pointed out two things: that firstly, he donated that check valued at $78,333.32 after cutting off 1.5 billion dollars worth of funding from the National Park Service and secondly, $78.333.32 is pocket change next to Trump's own personal wealth and estimate of several billion dollars.
"Are you saying that I can't donate money from my own pocket?" Trump demanded and Somebody simply shrugged.
"Well...I can't. Since everyone has decided to sue me over a lot of trivial nonsense, I've got no money left," Trump said.
Somebody pointed out two things: that firstly, he donated that check valued at $78,333.32 after cutting off 1.5 billion dollars worth of funding from the National Park Service and secondly, $78.333.32 is pocket change next to Trump's own personal wealth and estimate of several billion dollars.
"Are you saying that I can't donate money from my own pocket?" Trump demanded and Somebody simply shrugged.
"Well...I can't. Since everyone has decided to sue me over a lot of trivial nonsense, I've got no money left," Trump said.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Trump and China
As the so-called President of the US of A prepares to meet with the Chinese President, Somebody went in to make sure that he is not going to do anything that would embarrass America to the rest of the world.
"Pay attention to him and when people ask you to shake his hand, you shake it. You don't pull his hand towards you like you want to make out with him," they told him.
"Isn't that how you're supposed to shake hands?" Trump asked in confusion.
"No. People shake hands by raising their hands and lowering them in unison, not engaging in a tug of war. Here you try it," Somebody offered to let Trump practice.
A minute later, Somebody had to go to the bathroom to use mouth wash in order to get rid of the taste of pee.
"Pay attention to him and when people ask you to shake his hand, you shake it. You don't pull his hand towards you like you want to make out with him," they told him.
"Isn't that how you're supposed to shake hands?" Trump asked in confusion.
"No. People shake hands by raising their hands and lowering them in unison, not engaging in a tug of war. Here you try it," Somebody offered to let Trump practice.
A minute later, Somebody had to go to the bathroom to use mouth wash in order to get rid of the taste of pee.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Trump's solution to handling the North Korea situation
"Why can't I just nuke the shit out of that shithole? Isn't that why I'm the President?" Somebody heard Trump complain in the White House the other day.
"No Mr President. Our nuclear weapons are a strategic weapon that is used to stop people from attacking us. A threat that we can use to put people in line. Not something that we can use on a whim."
"Bullshit! I say we nuke North Korea right now and let's nuke China while we're at it so that I don't have to talk to that Chinese guy, what's his name?"
"No Mr President. Our nuclear weapons are a strategic weapon that is used to stop people from attacking us. A threat that we can use to put people in line. Not something that we can use on a whim."
"Bullshit! I say we nuke North Korea right now and let's nuke China while we're at it so that I don't have to talk to that Chinese guy, what's his name?"
Monday, April 3, 2017
Trump and National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention
Somebody could not believe it when Donald Trump declared this and they went to ask him about that: is it true that one of the world's most notorious and unrepentant sexual offender really keen on such a month? Has hell frozen over or was it frozen in the first place because it's absolute zero?
Trump stared at Somebody in surprise and said, "Of course I was being serious. We need to allow men to grope women as much as they want to and prevent people from complain about sexual harassment. That's why I made April this special month."
Yup. Hell is indeed absolutely zero, alright.
Trump stared at Somebody in surprise and said, "Of course I was being serious. We need to allow men to grope women as much as they want to and prevent people from complain about sexual harassment. That's why I made April this special month."
Yup. Hell is indeed absolutely zero, alright.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Trump is rich therefore he is not corrupt
"That's what Jason Chaffetz said," the so-called President of the United States responded to Somebody's query about the Republican chairman of the House Oversight Committee's statement.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to sign this executive order so that I don't have to pay any more taxes for the rest of my life and make it illegal for me to pay any form of money to people as well," he proclaimed loudly.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to sign this executive order so that I don't have to pay any more taxes for the rest of my life and make it illegal for me to pay any form of money to people as well," he proclaimed loudly.
Saturday, April 1, 2017
Trump brings about world peace and dies for your sins!
On this day, Trump revealed to the world that he is in fact the Second coming of Jesus in an unprecedented press conference.
"Lo, did I come down from the heavens to spread peace and joy to all. Also, I came down to grab some pussy because I forgot to do that the first time I came," he declared.
Thus, everyone in the world was lifted up to the heavens before Trump cast them down and outside. "No one gets into heaven. Not until they pay me 200,000 dollars on membership fees. They also get a first row seat to see me work on my new plan for the world," he declared.
At that point, most everyone decided that hell was better off than living in heaven with Donald and thus heaven became an empty place almost immediately.
"Lo, did I come down from the heavens to spread peace and joy to all. Also, I came down to grab some pussy because I forgot to do that the first time I came," he declared.
Thus, everyone in the world was lifted up to the heavens before Trump cast them down and outside. "No one gets into heaven. Not until they pay me 200,000 dollars on membership fees. They also get a first row seat to see me work on my new plan for the world," he declared.
At that point, most everyone decided that hell was better off than living in heaven with Donald and thus heaven became an empty place almost immediately.
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